learning time when time has no meaning

moving through life

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This summer Rosie has begun to understand and track time. It's an important milestone for a child - following the path of the seasons one after the other, days of the week, looking forward to a special event that will occur tomorrow or remembering something that happened yesterday, or just the simplicity of waiting 5 minutes. 

I first noticed it mid summer when she had a sleep over with us. I was awakened, very early, a small voice at the side of my bed. I opened my eyes to see that face smiling broadly, her hand touching my hand,  "Nene, I slept all night and it's tomorrow."

After that it seemed like every day there was another mention of time. "no Nene, that wasn't yesterday that was another day" and "it will be winter soon - and it'll be Christmas!" 

Now that she's back in school (a small learning pod) and on a consistent schedule, Rosie seems even more aware of the weeks' pattern  - 5 "school" days and 2 "home" days. She has taken to remind me that "swing time" is at the end of each day after she gets home from school. Specifically, her request for me to push her on the swing that hangs between two trees in the yard. And, she loves making deals for 1 hour or, if I hesitate, 30 minutes of my time to play American Girl dolls with her. 

Time is real and bargain-able!

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It has struck me that this awareness is growing for her while the rest of us seem lost in the fog of trying to remember what day it is, how many months have passed.... The spring, summer and, sadly, even the fall of 2020 have been usurped by a virus that has more control over us than we'd like to admit.  Its been 6 months since all this began, six months and our calendars have lost their relevance, six months since our internal clocks broke. 

“The running joke is, you know, we used to have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and now we just have Day, Day, Day, Day, Day,” said Dean Buonomano, a professor of behavioral neuroscience at the University of California at Los Angeles, in May. “We’ve sort of lost our mental landmarks or temporal boundaries for days.”

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Personally, I too am lost. I'm an artist who's also a realist (crazy) who needs order (still crazier) in their life. I've filled the last 6 months with do-able projects - anything that has a beginning, a middle and (Yes!) an end! 

Gardening; digging up and planting new beds, moving, dividing, creating. 

Cleaning out, organizing and shedding possessions.

Home projects; painting, and even building a new front walkway.

And sadly..... lots of crossword puzzles. Hell, I'm all the way back to 2007 in the NY Times archives!

I need to snap out of this so I can return to the world of the casual, no rush reading of a delicious new novel and the wide open discovery of creating new art. 

No ends are ever needed there - they just miraculously occur. 

I need to connect with that breath that expands forever, that, once again, inspires awe in me. Time is a construct so maybe I just need to give in. As my friend Janet always tells me; "give yourself permission."

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Yesterday, while Rosie was pushing me on the swing she commented on how well I was pumping my legs.

"Nene, I'm teaching you how to play!"

I need to live up to that for her.

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