learning time when time has no meaning

moving through life

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This summer Rosie has begun to understand and track time. It's an important milestone for a child - following the path of the seasons one after the other, days of the week, looking forward to a special event that will occur tomorrow or remembering something that happened yesterday, or just the simplicity of waiting 5 minutes. 

I first noticed it mid summer when she had a sleep over with us. I was awakened, very early, a small voice at the side of my bed. I opened my eyes to see that face smiling broadly, her hand touching my hand,  "Nene, I slept all night and it's tomorrow."

After that it seemed like every day there was another mention of time. "no Nene, that wasn't yesterday that was another day" and "it will be winter soon - and it'll be Christmas!" 

Now that she's back in school (a small learning pod) and on a consistent schedule, Rosie seems even more aware of the weeks' pattern  - 5 "school" days and 2 "home" days. She has taken to remind me that "swing time" is at the end of each day after she gets home from school. Specifically, her request for me to push her on the swing that hangs between two trees in the yard. And, she loves making deals for 1 hour or, if I hesitate, 30 minutes of my time to play American Girl dolls with her. 

Time is real and bargain-able!

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It has struck me that this awareness is growing for her while the rest of us seem lost in the fog of trying to remember what day it is, how many months have passed.... The spring, summer and, sadly, even the fall of 2020 have been usurped by a virus that has more control over us than we'd like to admit.  Its been 6 months since all this began, six months and our calendars have lost their relevance, six months since our internal clocks broke. 

“The running joke is, you know, we used to have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and now we just have Day, Day, Day, Day, Day,” said Dean Buonomano, a professor of behavioral neuroscience at the University of California at Los Angeles, in May. “We’ve sort of lost our mental landmarks or temporal boundaries for days.”

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Personally, I too am lost. I'm an artist who's also a realist (crazy) who needs order (still crazier) in their life. I've filled the last 6 months with do-able projects - anything that has a beginning, a middle and (Yes!) an end! 

Gardening; digging up and planting new beds, moving, dividing, creating. 

Cleaning out, organizing and shedding possessions.

Home projects; painting, and even building a new front walkway.

And sadly..... lots of crossword puzzles. Hell, I'm all the way back to 2007 in the NY Times archives!

I need to snap out of this so I can return to the world of the casual, no rush reading of a delicious new novel and the wide open discovery of creating new art. 

No ends are ever needed there - they just miraculously occur. 

I need to connect with that breath that expands forever, that, once again, inspires awe in me. Time is a construct so maybe I just need to give in. As my friend Janet always tells me; "give yourself permission."

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Yesterday, while Rosie was pushing me on the swing she commented on how well I was pumping my legs.

"Nene, I'm teaching you how to play!"

I need to live up to that for her.

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in the POD - the adventure continues

the "garage"

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Our break from installing windows didn't mean an actual break from our list of all the 

things that need to be done on our van. And, I'm not actually sure how this happens but that 

list seems to be growing.....

sound dampening and 2 layers of insulation installed after the windows were put in

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I finished the layers of insulation around the 3 windows. I know, it looks so simple ... and yet it took me close to a full day to complete because of all the odd angles and some really small spaces. 

While I did that Tim began work on the "garage". The garage is, for us, the last 2 feet of the van and will hold all the infrastructure systems for the van. This is all the stuff that Tim had been testing and assembling on the porch earlier this spring.

The garage will house:

300 amp hour lithium battery and 3,000 watt Magnum inverter

30' retractable 30 amp shore power cable

All the electrical control systems including a Renogy solar charge controller

12 volt and 120 volt control center

12 volt air conditioning system

Portable 1800 watt generator

Diesel fired hydronic heating/hot water system - powering the radiant heat in the floor and walls and the kitchen and bath hot water

Filters and UV sanitation for the recirculating shower

Retractable hoses for both fresh water and sewage

and ..... this list may grow.

radiant heat added to the garage

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Radiant heat panels and tubing were first added to the floor and walls of the garage followed by the flooring. Radiant heat panels are currently being added to the rest of the floor and walls of the van.

beginnings of the garage install

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Tim is building a metal frame system to hold and support the mechanics of the garage. The main control panel - seen at top in the photo - will face into the van for easy accessibility. 

In the week ahead the focus will be on getting the radiant heat panels and tubing in, continuing work on the garage and infrastructure systems, and possibly getting the flooring in. The final two windows have been delayed and are not scheduled to arrive until the end of the week.

Each day we find ourselves with a new question, sometimes a different plan, sometimes a change - yet, all of it, a welcomed challenge. We have no one to please but ourselves.

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Oh ... and we did install an additional fold up passenger seat. It's for Rosie.

two passenger fold up seat behind the driver


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Rosie checking it out.

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in the POD - one step at a time.....

The scariest cut of all - making holes for the windows!!

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And so it has begun. 

On July 1st, we took possession of our new van, a Mercedes Sprinter on a 170" wheel base with an extended body.  Our total length is 24.5 feet, a dramatic increase from our 19 foot Roadtrek Agile (also a Sprinter chassis)!  

Tim had already put months of work into this project - researching electrical, solar, plumbing systems,  designing the layout, and creating a spreadsheet with all the needed parts (with links and costs). Once we decided to move forward with up-fitting a new van ourselves he began ordering parts, pre-assembling the internal systems and testing them..... over and over. The back porch has become the "workshop" and storage facility for windows, water/waste tanks, radiant floor panels, hoses, generator ....... and the roof has been the testing ground for 6 solar panels which are currently running a small fan as well as the new refrigerator for the van. 

Over the past 25 extremely HOT days we have been working non-stop. So far most of all the work has truly been the grunt, totally non-sexy part of the up-fitting. Yup, all the stuff that, ultimately, will never be seen - but are essential to how we want to travel.

This is where our story begins.......

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Step 1

Remove the wall panels that the van came with.

Apply the sound dampening material. 

Vans are a whole lot of metal speeding down a highway. When they go over bumps the metal rattles. And rattles are super annoying.

These Noico Solutions panels come in fairly large @ 18" x 29" sheets that can be easily cut with a scissors. They have a self adhesive back and we used a small metal brayer to firmly attach the panels to ALL the interior walls, ceiling and wheel casings. (Note: At this point we did not do the 5 sections where we will be adding windows. We will complete those spots after the windows are in)

This was a tedious job but once we found our groove it went fairly quickly. We also began adding the next 2 layers of insulation (steps 2 and 3) as we completed each side of the van.

Tim using a brayer to secure the Noico panel

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My job was, mostly, measuring and cutting ......

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Step 2 and 3

Apply Reflectix - a double reflective insulation and Foamular Insulation Sheeting.

On top of the sound deadening panels we added two layers of insulation. This will help keep our traveling Pod cool in hot climates and warm in cold climates! Strangely enough we have found ourselves traveling  to many cold areas and have often awoken to below zero temps and a few frozen pipes. Yeah .... not great.

 Which brings me to an important piece of info about Tim's plan for our new Pod. Most upfitted van units place the holding tanks under the chassis and run all the water lines in the outside walls of the van. (I bet you can already see the problem.) This is NOT how Pod 3.0 is going to do it! Everything will be inside our layered and cozy interior! More on that when we actually get to installing all the cool things that Tim has been diligently testing on the porch .........

Back to the grunt work.

Both the Reflectix and the Foamular sheeting had to be cut to size to fit in all the nooks of the van walls.  Each layer was glued into place using Loc-Tite construction adhesive. We then filled any remaining spaces and cracks with Great Stuff spray foam. Once the foam was completely set/dry (@ 24 hrs) it was trimmed to be flush with the final insulation layer.

Reflectix and the Foamular sheeting process

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Ceiling completed!

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Nothing to see here!

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Once all the insulation was completed we put the original wall panels back in place. The walls are now ready for their next layer ..... but first the windows need to be installed.

This was by far the scariest (for me) part of this whole deal - cutting holes in a brand new van!! I mean its not like you can "stitch witchery" it back together. I truly wanted no part of this process but Tim insisted that "we're in this together, if we fail we fail together." (Yeah... something like that.) 

And we did it together! 

And we are still speaking! 

And we currently have 3 windows installed!! 

the first cut is the deepest....

Creating the first template  (we will have 3 different sizes) was a bit nerve wracking - like creating a costume pattern that has to be perfect on the body the first time it is put on. Ugh. We started with the smallest of the windows - which will sit above the galley counter. Our first window took us approximately 5 hours to put in.

First window completed. 

Once the hole is cut a frame is constructed on the interior of the van - this is to both support the window as well as make it flush with the finished wall. The frame is constructed of laminated PVC boards and attached to the wall with 3M VHB (Very High Bonding) double sides tape.

Attaching the frame.

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Our windows are Arctic Tern manufactured by Tern Overland and supplied to us by campervan-hq.com.  They are made in Europe and feature double pane acrylic glazing and include a separate interior cover panel containing a retractable screen on top and a black out shade with a reflective exterior on the bottom.

Arctic Tern windows with retractable screens and 

blackout blinds.

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Open window on driver's side

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Sliding door and Galley windows

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We are taking a break before adding the last 2 windows - because they won't be here until next week. 

within the familiar - so why?

Why did I stop writing?

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The last 20 months have been quite full and yet it all just seemed to fly by. I never truly made any real choices or set any goals.... it all just happened. 

Maybe that was the real problem! I did not fully participate, I just let it happen around me. I need to do better moving forward.

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During these last 20 months:

2 Rosie birthdays have passed.

2 summers filled with markets for rose:joe every weekend (June - Sept) meaning lots of prep and sewing to make that happen. And that has been quite enjoyable!

I was actually in 3 separate gallery shows! 

We had 3 POD visits to Horseneck Beach, countless trips to P-town and the Cape, as well as a few weeks on Pine Island last January.

I taught for a full semester at the University of Rhode Island and designed a show for them.

I had one solo trip to Merida.

We continued to work on the Airstream, added a deck to the back of Ty and Amy’s home, and I did

lots of gardening including adding a large veggie garden and 7 yards of new mulched areas.

And, lest I forget, the last 6+ months of pain and discomfort in my right hip and leg that has rendered me to adopt a “Granpappy Amos” gait! Not pretty. Finally that distraction is - slowly - getting resolved as I work my way through chiropractors, orthopedic doctors, xrays, cortisone shots, physical therapy and anything else I can do to get better! Not giving up on this one!! 

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So, all in all, it has been a jam packed, busy, family filled last 20 months! And it’s all been fun and terrific - but I missed the opportunity to reflect upon it all. I do have the photos to go back and reflect upon - catching all those perfect Rosie moments of discovery and joy, but for my own self I do feel that I need to take back control; set goals and fulfill them.... for me.

❤️

within the familiar - a promise of sorts

you never know what you are looking for ..... until you say it out loud!

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I don’t know where the time went or why I stopped writing. I didn't make a conscious decision to stop, but..... I just realized that it’s been 20 months since I last made an entry!

This realization actually comes at a very important time; a time that I am finding myself at odds, unsettled, and once again feeling like I need to wrest control - set some goals again. And the best way forward (for me) is to take the time to observe each moment, look to the future, wrestle with my own limitations and strengths and write about all of it. 

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So as we ease into the closing of 2019 I am setting my first goal for 2020: 

To commit to write more in this blog - to be present and to reflect.

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in the POD - following the sun!

finding a spot in the sun

Pine Island, FL

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As we headed south out of SW Colorado we quickly came to the conclusion that what we really needed was some sunshine before returning to the cold and SNOW that was still blanketing New England.

We called Claudia and Kim and begged for a spot in their yard! 

Driving 8-10 hours a day with bedtime truck stops in Albuquerque, NM, Fort Smith, AR, and Midway, FL we arrived on Pine Island on a perfect 78 degree afternoon. 

☀️

Just as we had hoped!!

 a much needed refreshing cocktail in the sun!

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We pretty much just vegged out that first day and a half - catching up on sleep and getting over the stress of the long driving hours in the POD. Our hosts fed us, along with quite a few other visitors from Minnesota and Arkansas! This "campground" is getting very busy!

bike ride and the colors of the morning

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Eventually we returned to form and shared in all the kitchen duties - including making dinners for 8-10 of pizza, ribs, and clam chowder. It is always a group effort at Camp Larson/Rossi and this time was no exception - with a few more willing hands added to the mix. We got to know some new friends, Kim and James (from Fayetteville, AR), who were also camping in the yard! It is so much fun meeting new people that you immediately connect with.

Sunday boating through the mangroves

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it was a perfect day for dolphins!

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The weather was absolutely perfect while we were there - mid 70's to mid 80's during the day and cool at night for sleeping. Being back on the island warmed us and refreshed us but by the end of the week we felt like we needed to move on. We were both ready to be home ... and yet we were still a bit wary of the weather we might be facing.

3 sets of manatee moms and pups visiting the dock

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So we decided to make a few more stops in Florida and check out some other state parks.
Kissimmee Prairie Reserve State Park is 54,000 acres protecting the largest remaining stretch of Florida dry prairie. Just north west of Lake Okeechobee it is home to a number of endangered birds and offers one of the darkest night skies in Florida. The park has over 100 miles of hiking, biking and horse trails to explore.

 Kissimmee Prairie Reserve State Park

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We stayed in the horse camping area which was separated from the main campground, had larger and more shaded camp spots, was more remote and included a paddock for those trailering their horse. Basically it was a perfect campground! Although, sadly,  there were no horses present while we were there .......

 Kissimmee Prairie Reserve State Park

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This park is really remote - probably an hour drive to the closest anything! And once you enter the park it is a 5 mile drive to the ranger station and campground. The sweeping grasslands that surrounded us were beautiful and it was soooooo quiet. We were so glad that we had made this choice  and we're already planning to prepare ourselves with a few good books for next winter's visit here.

Hiking trails
 Kissimmee Prairie Reserve State Park

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Hiking trails
 Kissimmee Prairie Reserve State Park

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Our next stop was Tomoka State Park located on the Tomoka River estuary and basin in Ormond Beach, FL. Known for its canoeing, fishing and bird watching the park is only a few miles from the barrier island, Ormond Beach with its restaurants, shopping and other visitor sights.

Tomoka State Park

Ormond Beach, FL

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 This was another great find for us! There were close to 100 camping spots in this park but it felt so much smaller and each site was nestled in among the hardwood hammock that graced the entire park.  Down along the river, the park store offers canoe, kayak and paddle board rentals as well as local draft beer! This was the first state park we have ever been in that actually sold beer - and it was on draft! Definitely a keeper!

 Campground at Tomoka State Park

Ormond Beach, FL

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 Campground at Tomoka State Park

Ormond Beach, FL

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We have been thoroughly enjoying all this sunshine - but it is now time to head home.
We're ready.
And we miss Rosie!

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Road Trip '18 - Roundup

@ 3 months on the road
26 nights in campgrounds
38 nights in friends' driveways/yards
14 nights in truck stops
9 nights in a hotel (due to illness) or condos (family vacation time)

8 National Parks
Temperature range: 3 degrees - 80 degrees
@ 12,000 miles

in the POD - a seat at the window

a window with a view...

Portland. OR

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Thank you. I could sit in this window forever.

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I have been welcomed into this home, into your arms and given this seat 

to look out and to look in.

It is not surprising that I am here and that you welcome me so warmly. You serve me tea and your emotions - that's what we do. But, still, it feels like a gift right now. 

To be here.

With you.

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I understand the workings here; I was part of the beginning. We have always been connected to each other, sometimes off and sometimes on, but always connected. Our voices came of age together and we learned and failed together, picking up each other's pieces, being the rock to each other's sand.

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And, yet, you will always continue to amaze me. Your strength and honesty pours from your fingertips and from your eyes. By challenging yourself you have found the path to healing. Focused inward; powerful and strong. 

In both your written and spoken words I feel your strength and I feel your brittleness. 

All is right. You are right. It is yours to own.

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Long ago I found a suitcase from St. Louis sitting alone in our shared dorm room. 

It was when you walked into the room that we began.

Thank you for this continuing journey.

*

in the POD - there's always a first

final sunset

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On our last day on St. George Island Tim got the flu…… 

He had been trying to fight it off - we even managed to get in another good long walk on the beach and then our usual bike ride to view the sunset from one of the beach pavilions. All was looking good - but by nightfall the flu just took over. And by morning he had a fever, chills, the whole thing.

This was a first. We had never been sick in the POD before.

calm before the storm

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I arranged for us to stay another night at the campground althou we had to move to a different spot. Which, actually meant, that I had to unplug us, undo the water and empty the holding tanks. I had never done any of that before - not because I couldn’t/wouldn’t but because the division of labors on the POD had been worked out and was working well for us. But I did it. Yes, I am patting myself on the back because: 

1. I did it without doing something incorrectly. 

And, most importantly, 

2. Now I know I can do it - anytime I want!!!

I spent that extra day reading, wandering the park and the beach and basically just trying to leave Tim alone so that he could sleep and get better. I made him honey and lemon toddies, hot compresses, soup for dinner…….. He did not get better. By morning he was feverish again but we figured it best to move on. I unhooked our rig again and as the sun rose above the Gulf I began driving west while Tim slept in the back. Surely the quiet purr of the asphalt against the tires and the gentle rocking of the cab would allow him to rest easy and overtake this cold. 

NOT! 

By Mobile, AL he started to heave……. UGH! We had never thrown up in the POD before!!!!! 19’ of living space is tight under most circumstances and we have found a system to make it work for us while traveling - even for extended periods of time. However…….. being sick had yet been factored into that equation!! I know it was unpleasant for me - up there driving - BUT I’m guessing that it was super unpleasant for Tim vomiting in a pin hole toilet (or eventually a bucket) while barreling down the highway! 

8 hours later -  here we are. 

Just outside of Baton Rouge, LA in an America’s Best Value Inn. (I will refrain from musings on our inn's name.) It is 27 degrees and snowing. Yes, it is snowing. We bit the bullet and decided to forgo the POD for the night. Tim needed extra warmth, a hot tub, and sleep. I needed a beer and a separate bed to sleep in so that I, too, do not end up “hurling” down the highway.

And yet - All is good.

pines between the camp spot and the dunes

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Even with the unseasonal cold temps, some rain, and the illness - It was still a wonderful week here. I never feel like we have to be doing something all the time - its okay just to allow each day to unfold, to see what may await us.

On that last (extra) day - as I walked the beach alone - I did finally see sea sponges scattered most everywhere! I had been bemoaning the fact that I had not seen any the last 2 years. They had not been there the day before - and yet, now here they were.

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in the POD - back on the road

9 miles ...... uninterrupted 

St George Island State Park

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We finally re-started our adventure very late on Monday evening after flying back into Fort Myers from Boston. The POD was waiting in the parking lot and we drove thru driving rain to position ourselves well north of Tampa before bedding down for a bit of sleep. The next day was clear and warm as we hugged Rt 19 up the coast into the panhandle arriving - only one day late - for our extended stay on St. George Island. Ahhhhh.

one of the 6 open pavilions along the beach - perfect for sunsets!

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 perfectly blue, sunny skies

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This is our third visit to the Dr. Julian G. Bruce St. George Island State Park and, yes, it still offers new vistas and unexplored trails! 60 campsites sit tucked behind the dunes and among scrub pines. The grounds are well kept, quiet and peaceful. It is a short walk or bike ride out to the gulf coast beach where you can walk, fish and explore and there are numerous trails thru the pines, on boardwalks in the salt marsh and, of course, the 9 miles of undeveloped beach!

through the salt marsh

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fog along the marsh grass looking bay side

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Each year our beach walks here have yielded new discoveries. During our first visit we found the beach littered with sponges of all kinds and since then I have barely seen any along the miles of beach. This year the shores are filled with starfish! And yesterday while visiting the St. Joseph Penninsula we found huge clusters of sea urchins washed ashore. Cold water? Normal cycle?

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stranded

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We normally settle into a rhythm of activities when we stay for an extended time here. However, the weather  over the last 4 days has been varied - from sunny, mid to high 60's (the norm for this time of year) to dense fog, pouring rain and this morning we woke to 38 degrees !! - with expected temps going down to 33 tonight! Not so conducive to a routine ….. but we have been able to do a bit of biking, get in our 5 mile walk all but one of the days, have a day trip to Apalachicola (more on that city in my next post) and checked out the facilities and trails at the nearby St. Joseph Penninsula State Park.  (I’m kind of planning next winter's getaway……….) 

gulf view as the rain approaches

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bay view as the rain cleared

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Tonite will be our first time ever of using the T.V. in the POD! We are planning to watch the playoff game and if all goes well - antenna facing the correct direction, clear skies…… - then all will be well! We shall see. 

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Knowing that both Tim and I LOVE to cook everyone always asks me: "do you cook? do you eat out all the time? how do you manage?" With a small refrigerator and a tiny freezer.... it is challenging. But not impossible. We are definitely NOT cooking over an open fire althou that is something that I would like to try....someday. 

Maybe. 

We try to keep it simple. Breakfast is usually homemade yogurt with granola and dried fruit or (grilled) toast. Tim makes our yogurt in a small Salton yogurt maker using grass-fed whole milk. It's easy to do once you are settled somewhere for a day or two. 

We rarely eat lunch, often we'll just pack some granola bars for our day’s activities or make a tortilla roll-up with whatever is leftover from the eve before. 

Most cocktail hours will find us sitting down to some sort of cheese/dip, crackers and other easily stored “delights” such as olives, cornichons, marinated artichokes, eggplant - pretty much any little jar holding a delicious bite! 

I like to keep 4-5 different jars on board - a new little surprise every few days. 

Dinner is often a salad with canned tuna, boiled eggs and/or other protein on top like fresh local seafood that we happen to stumble upon. Pasta, rice and eggs are all staples and easy to make. They can also be the base - with veggies and protein - when we feel like more than a salad. Hot soup (unfortunately not homemade) and sandwiches are the dinner option 

when we “don’t want to cook - but need comfort”.  

And, depending on where we are, we do indulge ourselves and enjoy the local restaurants. 

sharing a flight at Oyster City Brewing Co.

Apalchchicola, FL